Friday, October 29, 2010

Last Night......

I hate waking up in an unfamiliar place, clinging to some girl you don't know. with your face in the ass end of a crate full of chickens;  For a reason that you have no clue of, except for that one of your friends got caught up in some shady stuff and dragged you in without you knowing, like some huge asshole. And now you have to hide for your own protection and you don't have any hint as to what is going on except that your in danger.

Then out of nowhere you realize you are dreaming.  So you become like this ominous voice to yourself saying, "Dude wtf your dreaming wake up." But the you that's in the dream is either deaf or apparently doesn't listen to voices inside their head, or god like voices coming from the sky.  Once you realize your dreaming self can't hear you, you take a different approach all together.  "I can control whats happening, it's my dream," you tell yourself only to realize your half right.  Oh, you may manage to shift the dream to make it appear as though your out of harms way, but guess what? You can run but you can't hide, that lingering fear and disgust caused by whatever happened in that part of the first dream that you can't remember catches up with you on your new course.  At this point you realize that your helpless and it doesn't seem so much like a dream anymore, yet some weird piece of reality.

Then you wake up for real, even though your awake for real this time you don't trust your own judgment on the situation because at this point your emotionally drained.  You just feel dirty, utterly creeped out and disturbed and you have no clue why.  Once you've reached that point for the night every time you close your eyes from there on out those feelings come rushing back and take you over to the point where you need to open your eyes because it makes you sick to your stomach. It doesn't matter how much you tell yourself it's just a dream and your being really stupid, once you reach that comfortable spot to try and sleep again and you close your eyes that feeling comes rushing back.

Well that's why I'm up writing this right now, in fact I'm wide awake for no apparent reason.  It's weird because I remember some of my dreams from tonight and they were fun, normal, nothing to worry about dreams.  But something happened that shifted my dreams to I guess you call them nightmares and overwhelmed me with this awful feeling.  I find hard to believe how real dreams can feel at times and how much they can effect you emotionally and physically.  As though the actions in your dream were carried out with the same amount of interaction as you used to carry out the tasks of the day before.  To me, and I'm sure to many others dreams are one of the strangest phenomenon that a person can encounter.  Why are they necessary? Some say it's a weird way for your body to teach you lessons about what you've learned.  If that's true why does it have to get so crazy sometimes.  And if they're supposed to teach you a lesson why in the hell do you forget most of them.  How much control do you actually have over your dreams? I'm not sure if that question could ever be answered, but at some points it gets pretty deceiving doesn't it.

There is an interesting fact that I heard about dreams one time, I don't recall where I heard this or read it but it was either in a dream book or some article or a doctor on a talk show, it doesn't matter but it was a credible source.  Any they said, Every person you come across in your dreams even if you don't recognize them is someone you have seen before while you were awake, whether it was some guy cutting his grass, the cashier at the store, or someone you walked by on the beach.  I'm not sure how anyone could know that for sure but I still find the incredibly intriguing.

Well anyways I don't know what the reason for my little episode was: not sure if it has to do with me being sick for the last three weeks and not sleeping and eating well, or if it had to do with me thinking to much before I went to sleep, or if it was because I went to bed in long pants instead of my usual shorts, or if it was for some other strange reason. I'm sure I'll never know, but at least it gave a topic for an interesting post.  I'm going to finish this ground bologna sandwich and water and see if I can't get a few minutes of sleep this morning.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Gotta' Start Somewhere

Well guys here it is my first attempt at blogging.  I really have no idea what to expect or exactly where to go with this, but I've always wanted to start a blog so here it goes.  I think it's neat to have some kind of account of your life written down so you can go back years later and look at it and reminisce.  Or maybe some of my experiences can help, inspire, educate, touch, or just entertain others, I hope that my words can help a few of you along these lines.

After tonight I am one step closer to checking off another item from my bucket-list (publishing a book).  It also adds to a second (honoring my loved ones), which is one that will never be completed but will be continually added too.

I am now in the process of publishing my own book.  The book was originally an artistic book that I created for a art class in my final semester of college(I will eventually post some pictures of my original artistic copy in a future post).   I created the book not only to honor my grandfather who passed away in April; but to honor his wife (my grandmother) who survives him, my family, my friends, and every other person who has been humbled by time.

My book is called One Generation.... To the Next!  My grandmother and I both write poetry so I thought it would be neat to take some of here poems and pair them with some of mine of similar subjects in a concept book.  The concept of the book was "time."  Time is a very important subject to me, most of my poems to this point involve different elements of time.  I'm not going to sugar coat it and avoid that fact the passing of time in the long run can be a sad subject.  But the point of my book isn't to get all blubbery and teary eyed over.  I wanted to remind everyone to cherish time and reflect on the positives of time passing us by.  Dwelling on passed or lost time only wastes more time, so it is important that you only used time to experience new things and celebrate those memorable moments from the past.

When I finish the book I'll put information up here for you to purchase a copy if you would like. I leave you for the day with a poem that will be in the book.  This poem was written prior to my grandfathers passing but I found it appropriate and it was displayed at his showing and a copy was burried with him along with a poem written buy my grandmother many years ago.

What have you to say?

When that day arrives,
with your demise,
what have you to say?

"I love you dear,
don't shed a tear,
for it will be okay,

you must be strong,
and carry on,
I have to go away,

we will meet once more,
like the days of yore,
but amid this life gay."

To your children who mourn,
to whom love you've sworn,
what can you profess?

"I love you so,
though death doth blow,
you mustn't take distress,

for part of me,
is part of thee,
and that you can caress,

you must go fore,
and your life adore,
from this you can't digress."

Was your life fulfilled,
or left un-tilled,
what have you to say?

"A life proofread,
would look better instead,
though to my dismay.

The things I've done,
I'd trade for none,
for if I'd changed my way,

this family of mine,
would not be thine,
and to that I shout a nay."